As you know, I’ve been on the road lately so this week continues the travel theme. I hope you like it. If you’re reading this on the www.workforced.com blog please leave a comment and let me know you’re out there! I’m out there, somewhere, and looking forward to coming home.
The Riled High Club – Part 1
After re-mortgaging your home for a small sandwich in the airport lounge, you’re herded onto the plane, sandwiched between infants and elephants. I must admit I actually like flying. I’m a huge fan of falling asleep bolt upright, watching movies on small screens and periodically waking up in my own dribble.
I travel economy, or “cattle” as they call it in the industry. I skulk past the smug people in business class, who avoid eye contact as I head bleating to the livestock section. I can’t blame them; it’s hard to see someone walking down the aisle when you’re wearing an eye mask.
Since there is barely enough room in economy class to breathe, and therefore complain audibly, I fly at unpopular times and sprawl across the empty seats. At least crying babies have never been a problem for me; they make me thankful I’ve forgone breeding for the time being. Far better to spend one’s time on the flight jostling over who gets the arm rest for the next five minutes. The unwritten rule is that the armrest is declared free whenever the previous occupier raises their elbows for long enough for someone to slip their elbows underneath.
Bags are stowed, stewardesses check everyone’s crotch to see if it’s obscured by a seat belt buckle and then we’re off. I still don’t understand why I have to turn off my MP3 player during take-off. Surely airplane electronic systems are better designed than to be interrupted by Michael Bolton songs (which can admittedly make many grown men cry)? If Al Qaeda ever thinks this through they’ll stop looking for explosives and just buy iPods instead.
Until next time.
;)
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
That was a good one! Love Michael Bin Bolton!
iPods by themselves aren’t the danger. They’re just afraid that turned to a tune with a lot of bass while combined with the file off a nail clipper and using a GI Joe battle rifle as a handle, they might be used to fashion a vibrating, miniature stiletto (sort of like a tiny little dull electric carving knife).
I fly business class. It’s not perfect, but it’s better. Don’t you get enough frequent flyer miles from your business travel to upgrade? You would feel much better if you did. As for babies, I have flown with them, and I mean mine (long ago). When she screamed I told the flight attendant that she was sick and we were going straight to the emergency room when we landed. I could hear him repeating it to all the other passengers. I bought lots of sympathy with this ploy and I recommend it highly to those who dare to procreate. Flying with a baby is no fun, but sometimes it can’t be helped.
Love,
Lovely Lola
I love to fly, until I actually get on a plane. Then I wonder why I bothered.
Doesn’t help that I have ear problems and can’t equalise, but it means that the in flight comentary and musak is inaudible. That can help.
Thank goodness in the past few years my flights have only been short hops. I am thinking of attending a book signing on the other side of the globe, next year. Not liking the idea of getting there. Maybe the thrill of having my books out there will help.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It is good to have a chuckle before breakfast.
The whole iPod and electronics thing – I was told by a pilot friend it’s just to make sure everyone pays attention. Most accidents occur at take off or landing.
ha, that cracked me up
I wish I could follow you again. Then you’d be at 1,000!
You are hilarious, and very lucky that you can travel at off times. You sound like the film Up in the Air: “All the things you probably hate about traveling -the recycled air, the artificial lighting, the digital juice dispensers, the cheap sushi- are warm reminders that I’m home .” – Ryan Bingham
haha I absolutely hate flying…I always manage to travel at busy times and constantly have kids kicking my seat and babies screaming their heads off!
Thanks for emailing me to check this blog out I’m definitely loving it so far!
I’ve felt like a sheep more times than I know. Right down to the dry nasty rations the airline companies hand out during long haul flights. *shudder*
Jai
Michael Bolton + Osama Bin Laden is an amalgum delux.
Poor “Mike” from Office Space… “He’s the one that sucks!”
Rhyme Me a Smile
I’m just sitting here waiting for Michael Bolton to sue me for slander. I could do with the publicity. I wonder if I can combine Celene Dion with Satan and get sued. Wait, Celene Dion is Satan; there’s no way to combine them further.
Drat!
you made me laugh out loud don’t know what is my favourite bit there is (sorry are) so many – the morgage for a sandwhich ( what price a Macdonalds?) ; the photo of Michale bin bolton – a man that took hair to a knew level has now, elevated the beard and towel way past that of a menopausal woman who has just washed her hair. A beard worthy of accompaning ( along with Michale bin bolton) a little crotch checking by air stewards
I wait in earnest for your next blog
Okay, that might be the funniest f’n picture I’ve seen in 3 weeks.
Just read an article on airline secrets as told by the pilots. I guess they just want your headphones off so you can hear the emergency spiel, but the cellphones cause interference with the instrument panel. My favorite thing they said? They miss the peanuts too. Don’t we all?
TELL me you don’t listen to Michael Bolton. Please. Unless it’s to remind you that there are worse things than being stuck in a seat the size of a baby car seat, cushioned between pudgy elbows, eating small snacks with your hands and spilling your drink. All that’s missing is the sippy cup.
Hey fantastic blog! Does running a blog such as this require a massive amount work? I\’ve no knowledge of programming but I had been hoping to start my own blog in the near future. Anyhow, if you have any ideas or techniques for new blog owners please share. I understand this is off topic but I simply wanted to ask. Kudos!