This week concludes Jargon Month on Workforced with the third, and thankfully final, part of the Jargon Dictionary. It was a good topic as topics go, and as good topics go, it’s gone! From “Promotion” to “Visionary”:
The Jargon Dictionary Part 3
Promotion: When a more senior manager gets fired for misconduct and they need someone to fill the gap.
Rationalisation: A professional-sounding word for sacking an awful lot of people. A small coffee is now a downsized caffeine intake.
Redirect: Here’s an example, see ‘Delegate’.
Restructure: Company swaps some words in a giant hat of job titles and one of the musical chairs is pulled away.
Senior Executive Vice President: One up from the janitor.
Silo: You don’t like the people in your department so why would you want to work with people in other departments? That could only mean more work.
Strategy: A business plan that comes from boardroom divination involving goat’s entrails and tea leaves. Alternatively, hire consultants.
Streamlining: The same as rationalisation, except it can include reducing benefits and amenities as well as people.
Synergy: Mythical creature, like the unicorn. When no one wants to work with anyone else then its hard to see how making more people work together can have a positive outcome.
Targets: If we mix some of these with specificity, a timeline and a little accountability, we could wrap it all up into a two-day course, create an acronym and suggest that this is a pillar of excellence, a plinth of purpose, or an obelisk of achievement.
Time Management: Remember it’s a marathon, not a sprint. So you’re going to be sprinting for a long, long time.
Universe: Limited set of possibilities, not in any way akin to the enormity of the real universe. Examples include the ‘marketing universe’ and the ‘investible universe’. I’m glad I wasn’t born in either of those universes, I’d be a very boring alien.
Verbage: Words.
Visionary: The person who’s idea we’re stuck with. It wasn’t the best idea but they’re the most senior person, who, by definition must be a visionary. Do you think the cart has ever led the horse somewhere useful?
Coming up next week: how to cause your boss marital problems by dousing them with glitter and baby oil, such that their partner thinks they’ve been to a strip club.
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;)
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
Who needs sensible metaphors?
It’s important to understand that clarification means work would have to be accomplished, the nemesis of those working for an hourly wage. Ambiguities and equivocations allow an employee the freedom to act or not act based upon an office position manual found in the bottom drawer under the 35 files their predecessor did not finish. Any attempt to make these rules easily understood would cause tasks to be completed in only three days as opposed to the five-day work week. You must know this would only add to an already depressed employment market. You must ask yourself, can we afford openness in business? Come visit when you can.
Twitter: SolarChief
What is wrong with small wrists?
Are you going to write an acronym dictionary?
sensible metaphors are for the birds.
“synergy” is my fave
Redirect is my favorite! Well at least it was when I have a paying job.
Well done Sir, now git yer butt back to work…
“Do you think the cart has ever led the horse somewhere useful?”
This is going to become my own personal mantra while sitting through meetings with the powers that be in our office…
I had to share your jargon dictionary, so I added a link to my page. I hope that’s okay.
Senior Executive Vice President was my favorite.
There is a nice award waiting for you over at my blog. Please visit and display it proudly! Here’s the link:
http://apackalipsnow.blogspot.com/2010/08/todays-apocalypse-sign-first-eod-awards.html
Downsized caffeine intake. Snort.
That is a great post:)
kisses
Love this blog!
This one really hit home for me. Spoke with a gentlemen last week for 45 min. and learned nothing except he was the most amazing JARGONKNIGHT I have ever spoke to. Wonder if I can find some useless….I mean useful class I can take at company expense for jargon? Maybe in Jamaica
Hahaha! Am really enjoying your blog. Hubby works in the world of Jargon, and I love all the excuses he comes up with to avoid “team building” sessions. Sometimes he gets colleagues to phone in emergencies that only he can deal with so the bosses actual ask him to leave hahaha!
Verbage: Words.
You, my friend, are deep.
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