Bad Aptitude

Companies have the upper hand over job applicants because there are more people than there are positions to fill. Such are the laws of supply and demand that companies demand you supply them with hours of your time before they will let you anywhere near a job offer.

Aptitude tests are the first hurdle in the calisthenic catastrophe that is the hiring process. As my uncle used to say: “If you can’t put a person into boxes they’re not worth knowing.” He’s in jail now.

Most aptitude tests today are online, which defeats the point. Even a nincompoop can ask someone else to take the test for them. I remember doing very badly during an online aptitude test so I yanked the internet cable out of the computer. A quick email later to claim a connection failure and I had a second chance. How very sneaky! Do you think I got any bonus points for lateral thinking?

In the unlikely event Workforced becomes an international conglomerate and I need to take someone else on, I’ve written my very own aptitude test. Let’s see how you get on.

Q1. Never put off until tomorrow something you can:

A. Do today.
B. Get someone else to do today.
C. Outsource.
D. Torture.

Q2. If you are in doubt how best to proceed:

A. Ask your manager.
B. Get someone else to find out.
C. Hire consultants.
D. Start a cult.

Q3. Your superiors are:

A. Better trained and more experienced than you.
B. Disconnected from your juniors.
C. The subjects of major religious texts.
D. Best served with Chianti.

Q4. Hope for the best:

A. But prepare for the worst.
B. Otherwise someone else will have to do a lot more work.
C. And reflect that in the financial statements.
D. But keep a gun just in case.

Q5. People are unlikely to ask you:

A. For your opinion.
B. To get off your backside and do some real work.
C. As long as you don’t get caught.
D. To spend time alone with them.

If you answered mostly ‘a’, like me, then you’re probably working very hard someone else. If you answered mostly ‘b’ then you’re the manager I report to. If you answered mostly ‘c’ then you are CEO-material, congratulations. If you answered mostly ‘d’ you’re my uncle and you owe me a backlog of Christmas presents.

Giveaway Take 2

The $60 gift voucher for the Vanity Store isn’t going to give itself away! To enter the competition, all you have to do is vote for Workforced on Blogger’s Choice Awards as best humor blog and leave a comment below. The winner will be picked randomly from this week’s comments.