To start a company all you need is a professional-sounding name and a slogan. You don’t need a business strategy or a decent product. You don’t even need people or funding. Just a name. So how do you come up with one?
To get a modern company name you have to merge sounds like ‘ingen’, ‘capita’, ‘digi’, ‘tech’, ‘prog’ or ‘performa,’ to name but a few. If you have a name like ‘Infosys’ or ‘Logitech’ you’re a shoe-in for floating on any stock exchange within 12 months.
Without doubt, the award for worst company name goes to the American broadband company Cox Communications. As a growing company in an industry that is not fully saturated within its potential market, it was only a matter of time before an industry analyst pointed out “Most of the growth of Cox will come from deeper penetration.” I sat through that meeting, desperately trying to keep my composure. I finally cracked when the analyst concluded “And that’s why I like Cox.”
No company name is complete without an equally stupid slogan; the more meaningless the mantra, the more bountiful the buzzword, the more clueless the clause, the better:
1• American Eagle Outfitters offer us “Live your Life” because you need to be told. I was planning on killing myself today but since I walked past your store I’ll just buy a t-shirt instead. Problem solved.
2• A company you’ve never heard of, CommunItelligence, offers the grandiose “Conquering your World.” My world doesn’t need conquering; at most it needs a cup of tea.
3• Cingular uses “Now the New AT&T.” Cingular: “It’s not old milk, it’s new cheese.”
4• Denny’s is “A good place to sit and eat.” Likewise, a toilet is “A good place to sit and poop.” Denny’s: “An acceptable place to sit, eat, stand up, walk to the toilet, then sit and poop.”
5• Holiday Inn suggests you “Look again.” I suggest the same, before going elsewhere.
6• Indonesia’s low-cost airline Lion Air hopes you can flap when the engines fail because “We make people fly.” I would suggest changing it to “We make planes fly.”
7• McDonald’s presumes that “I’m lovin’ it.” The only problem is, I’m not lovin’ it and neither is the poor bloke who’s mopping doo-doo off of the toilet seats with “I’m lovin’ it” on the back of his shirt.
8• FSA, AMBAC and MBIA, the bond insurance agencies that fell into financial difficulty during the credit crunch, chose to represent themselves with “Creating win-win solutions,” “Financial peace of mind” and “Wisdom in action,” respectively. No, no and no again.
9• Giraffe restaurants come with “Love, Eat, Live.” Another completely irrelevant combination of words that only loosely relate to the product. I don’t expect Lockheed Martin or Raytheon to adopt “Love, Bomb, Live” or “Not Live” as the case would be.
10• Who, might you ask, chose the slogan “Ask why?” Who of course but Enron.
;)
{ 47 comments… read them below or add one }
Hmmm always good when you can legitimately say the works I love Cox!
Kate
http://secretofficeconfessions.blogspot.com/
That was very funny!
Good observations. Some company names sound ridiculous. Check the phone book, youll see a lot of them.
Secretia
That cracked me up! The bit about Cox Communications. . .I hadb't thought about it before!
Thanks for visiting my blog!
Hi,
Your blog is really nice!. Thanks for following.
I'm following you too.
Welcome to the blogosphere!
Ha! You are funny!
I'm lovin it ! ( your blog )
Hilarious…mainly because you mentioned so many companies I have had interactions with, we used to get our cable from Cox and every month I'd ask hubby if he'd paid Coxsuckers yet!! He worked for Ratheon and i love Denny's!!!!! Thanks for following me and for making me laugh with your great observations!!!!
Yes, yes, there is much truth in this post.
Well…well…happy to land onto yr funny blog! And glad to follow you!
Hugs
Hi, I love your blog! It's funny cos its true and so horribly familiar! We disgruntled office workers have to stick together. I adore the blog title!
Hi, very enjoyable post! I have to say, I love cox too, but I doubt I would ever admit it in public…!!
And I love your take on the McDonalds slogan!
CJ xx
That was funny about the cox!! haha!
Hey there! Thanks for stopping by my place! I enjoyed your post! I'm following too!
Don, great read here, cox changed their name here to Sudden Link…hmmmm……same way …different hook up
Very clever! Now I have visions of McDonald's employees mopping the toilet and then mopping the floor with the poop toilet mop.
Great post. I loved it. I really like your blog. I'm now following your blog. I'm also following you on Twitter.
I love a good cheesy company slogan. The ones you mentioned here cracked me up.
The other day I saw this woman with huge breasts walking around on a cold morning with no bra and just a T-shirt on her top. She was obviously cold. You get the picture. And the slogan on her shirt…..Just do it. Honey if you only knew how bad I want to, you would cover those things up.
This was great…the Denny's one made me laugh and made my stomach turn at the same time. LOL.
LOL… thank you for visiting my blog.
Ha ha – very good.
I once went to a talk by a guy from Welsh Water who began by saying ' And with me today is Davydd, whose come along to give you a taste of how sewerage works.' I did that loud snigger thing but nobody else did
lol. funny stuff here…will definitely be back…thanks for finding me.
Very clever. Thanks for the visit to my blog and following! Following right back:)
I swore I'd never take my kids to mcdonalds, and here I am going every few weeks. And I'm not lovin' it!!! Thanks for following…too!
me. i don't particularily like slogans, maybe because there are so few really good one's around… at least your versions here made me giggle. and thanks for your visit.
Don Joe, you take the biscuit with your blog – Fabulously funny, Sir!
As a Desk Jockey myself, I resemble your blog in so many ways and can identify with the helicopter overview…
I'm signing up with my Buzzword Bingo dabber immediately! Merci mille for following me, and I shall look forward to hearing more about your Adventures in Blunderland!
Fhina x
All the inventive/ creepy slogans have all been used up. Sigh. Thanks for following me. I suppose- due to the funnies that accompany your blog- I'll just have to follow back.
Thanks for visiting my blog. I'm sure I received an email too, but can't find it. Was it one of those mysterious things that happen in Blogland? I don't love McDonalds either.
Freaking hilarious!
Great stuff! "We Make Planes Fly". Works for me.
funny stuff… thanks for the comment/email.
I don't often laugh out loud…but I did just now! This is very funny stuff!
ROFLMAO! This is the best post ever!
I can’t forward to anyone I know though..everyone I know is laid off!
Since we’re in such good company here (American Eagle, Cingular, Denny’s, Holiday Inn, Indonesia’s Lion Air and McDonald’s), we wanted to at least defend our slogan.
To be accurate, the slogan for Communitelligence is: All of Us Are Smarter than One of Us.
Conquering Your World is actually the slogan for the Communitelligence Learning Academy. To be clear, the only world we’re trying to conquer is in the field of corporate communications, marketing and PR.
Just wanting to put our slogan/mantra in perspective.
Enjoyed the humor.
I should think the most stolid of folk would have difficulty not reverting to Beavis and/or Butthead at comments like:
“Most of the growth of Cox will come from deeper penetration.” and … “And that’s why I like Cox.”
Beautiful …*wipes tears from eyes*
Nice to read a terrific blog site. Unfortunately, I\’ve a problem with the actual Rss feed. I cannot enroll for it. Some visitors have this kind of problems?
http://buycheapcigarettesfreeshipping.com
We deliver cigarettes to USA. Buy cheap cigarettes online from the Cheapest Cigarette Shop over the WEB.
http://propeciai.com/ nhs finasteride propecia generic finasteride woman propecia finasteride
buy finasteride 5mg propecia hair loss
I appreciate you taking to time to cnotrbiute That\’s very helpful.
FVx1Gm ghowjppbfvmh
4WFsV4 lxdwrloticcn
http://propeciaworldwide.com/ generic propecia fda mg tablets finasteride finasteride hair loss
minoxidil versus finasteride propecia
In cold winter, most people are considered warm, and easy action. sequin uggsvery famous professional keep warming around the world.
In cold winter, most people are considered warm, and easy action. sparkly uggsvery famous professional keep warming around the world.
In cold winter, most people are considered warm, and easy action. discount sparkle uggsvery famous professional keep warming around the world.
In cold winter, most people are considered warm, and easy action. uggs sparklevery famous professional keep warming around the world.
I\’m glad to become one of several visitants on this outstanding site, regards for setting up.You gave tremendous positive points there. Used to do a search on the topic and located most peoples will trust your site.